Photo by: Ante Hamersmit

You have a problem. The people at work know it, your friends know it, your family knows it, and maybe even your neighbour knows it, but guess who doesn’t know it? You don’t know it.

You see, we seem unaware that we create problems and actively resist solutions. What does that mean? 

One of the biggest problems we all have is self-deception. Self-deception is simply the problem of not knowing that you have a problem. Self-deception exists the moment we begin to look at others as objects rather than human beings. We begin to build an attitude thinking we are helping others, but in fact, we are only justifying our actions of not helping by making ourselves feel virtuous and the others seem like a problem. The more frequent this happens, it, in turn, reinforces a mindset that keeps us from forming better relationships with others. 

Employees could also turn to victims of self-deception as a result of being blamed or objectified by their superiors. This could cause a chain reaction of people blaming each other, which reinforces the box, rather than focusing on ways to meet or solve each other’s needs.

In Arbinger Institute’s book, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box, it explains how self-deception prevents leaders from observing their surroundings for what they are, which may lead to inhibiting honest leadership.

“Whether at work or at home, self-deception obscures the truth about ourselves, corrupts our view of others and our circumstances, and inhibits our ability to make wise and helpful decisions. To the extent that we are self-deceived, both our happiness and our leadership is undermined at every turn.”

Considering the needs and wishes of others as less important than our own, reels in all sorts of consequences that would otherwise tarnish close relationships, work attitudes, and even the ability to lead others. This causes us to lose sight of what is really important. When we are self-deceived, we tend to search for self-justification to support our own distorted view of reality.

To that extent, it may explain why everyone sees our problems except ourselves. And usually, this happens because of one word: self-betrayal. 

Self-betrayal happens very easily and very often. You see, we always need to see ourselves as the good guy. So, if we do an act contrary to what we feel we should be doing for someone else, instead of seeing ourselves as falling short, we need to see the other person(s) as the one who should be shouldering the blame and ourselves as the victim. E.g. We did not complete a document with excellence. We knew it was sub-par but we decided to submit it anyway. Maybe we procrastinate or something else came up. But instead of seeing that we are at fault, we will start thinking that our colleague gave us the assignment late, he/she did not give clear instructions, etc. When this happens, what we have just done is enter into the box. 

Being in the box

In the box, we inflate other people’s faults and inflate our own virtues. When we enter into the box, our view of reality becomes distorted and we provoke others to be in the box. In the box, we see others as objects and we are not results-focused. 

The book, Leadership and Self-Deception, also tells a story of a woman named Kate, who has a teenage son Bryan whom she felt was getting more and more irresponsible.  One Friday night, Bryan asked if he could use the car. She didn’t want him to use it but she gave him the keys anyway and imposed an unreasonable curfew time of 10:30 pm which she knew he would be most unlikely to meet. 

She then plopped herself down on the couch feeling burdened and vowing to never let him use the car again. The more she thought about it, the madder she became at Bryan. 

At around 10:29, she heard the squeal of tires in the driveway and at 10:30, the door swung open. Instead of being happy that he made it in time, she was furious. She needed him to be wrong. Even when he was responsible, she couldn’t let him be responsible.

When we are in the box, what do we need the most? To feel justified. She needed Bryan to be wrong so she can continue accusing him. 

Being in the box is very dangerous as it provokes other people to be in the box as well, which will then result in lack of commitment, mistrust, lack of accountability, and in general just encourage bad attitudes. 

How do you then get out of the box? 

It doesn’t take a lot from others to get out of the box. If you think that the only way to get out of the box is for other people to change, you are still in the box. If you tell someone they are in the box, you too become in the box. 

Stepping out of the box needs to begin with you. You need to start seeing people less as objects and more of who they really are, as people with needs, challenges, and objectives that are just as important as your own. You can only begin getting out of the box as you seize resisting other people. With this focus on others, you no longer have the self-focused need for justification that comes with being in the box.  

You also cannot get out of the box by changing your behaviour because you did not get into the box based on your behaviour. You did it based on your inner thoughts because you needed to self justify yourself. 

The question then is how do you stay out of the box and sustain the change you are feeling? We need to follow our natural instincts to be helpful to others. Shift our focus away from blaming others and focus on what we can do ourselves. Instead of focusing on what others may be doing wrong, we try to think about what we can do right to help them. When this happens, we don’t have to feel that we have betrayed ourselves and go into the vicious cycle of blame, resulting in us remaining in the box. We automatically step out of the box because now we are accountable and we are in control of our actions.   

_______________________

Wai Hun is one of the biggest advocates of our core values, especially Growing Heroes. She believes in building leaders of tomorrow. She is also a strong believer that leaders are made not born. Occasionally, Wai Hun will share her experiences and journey as a leader and she will give her two cents to Jurisians in order to empower and grow them to be better leaders. Her aspiration to train young leaders who will one day impact, influence, and shape the society is something very admirable. Here’s an interesting piece that she has shared, plus some of our input to build on her points. 

If you haven’t already, read Wai Hun’s previous article on “Leaders are made, not born.”

About JurisTech

JurisTech (Juris Technologies) is a leading Malaysian-based fintech company, specialising in enterprise-class software solutions for banks, financial institutions, and telecommunications companies in Malaysia, Southeast Asia, and beyond.

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Introduction

This is the first part of the series on thoughts written by our inspirational CEO, See Wai Hun. Wai Hun is one of the biggest advocates of our core values, especially Growing Heroes. She believes in building the leaders of tomorrow. She is also a strong believer that leaders are made, not born. Occasionally, Wai Hun will share her experience and journey as a leader and she will give her two cents to Jurisians in order to empower and grow them to be better leaders. Her aspiration to train young leaders who will one day impact, influence, and shape the society, is something very admirable.

We have compiled some inspirational thoughts from our CEO on the roles of a manager and dealing with difficult people.

Chapter 1: What’s a manager’s job?

Everyone dreams of managing and leading their own team in the future. However, with great power comes great responsibility. Being a manager is no easy task. Having the right mentality and the right perspective can go a long way.

You see, as we climb up the ladder of responsibility, we need to realise that we need to change three major dispositions:

• How we think
• What we do
• Results we get

When we started, we were an individual contributor and were valued for doing the right things and to consistently deliver on time with quality. As we become emerging leaders, we have to think of making contributions through leadership. That means we need to instill trust in others and effectively influence others, hence demonstrating our ability to lead. As a team lead or manager of people, our goals are different. It is no longer about how much we can personally do, but how much our team can do which means our goal is to get results through others.

Once we realise that a manager’s output equals the output of his/her organisation plus the output of the neighbouring organisations under his/her influence, everything changes. A manager’s skills and knowledge are only valuable if we use them to get more leverage from our people.

When someone we are leading is not doing his/her job, there can only be two reasons for it. The person either can’t do it or won’t do it; he is either not capable or not motivated. So, to improve the output of the employee, the manager’s job is only two things:

• Motivate
• Train

So, if your role is only delegating tasks and you are not motivating or inspiring your people, you are not doing half of your job. On the other hand, if you are not investing time in training them, you are not doing the other half.

Training does not mean classroom training. For a manager, it can mean review, feedback, and one-on-one meetings to guide, to nudge, as well as to grow the person. The oldest business principle, according to Andy Grove (founder of Intel), is to invest in an often-neglected but critically important management tool which is conducting one-on-one sessions with the people you are leading. Some of the time that we are spending on one-on-ones is to see how we can impact the effectiveness and output of our work.

So, I will leave you with this thought. If you are a leader, are you investing time in increasing the output of your employees, or are you investing all your time in becoming the best individual contributor?

Chapter 2: How to deal with difficult people

Everyone will one day experience a situation where they have to face and deal with a difficult person. It may be at work, home, or even social settings. Is there a secret to deal with difficult people? How can we win friends along the way?

“Any fool can criticise, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.” – Dale Carnegie.

When it comes to dealing with difficult people, we tend to be reactive and be prone to criticise, condemn, and complain, hoping that by doing this the other person will change.

In his classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talked about the most dangerous criminals in the history of New York. This story includes a criminal nicknamed “Two Gun Crowley”, as well as America’s most notorious criminal, Al Capone, who, when questioned about their motives, regarded themselves as unappreciated and misunderstood victims, and they believed it. Everyone sees their intentions and sometimes when we condemn them, the result is that they would become defensive and justify themselves even more instead of reflecting on their mistakes.

B.F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. We cannot expect change in a person by condemning them. Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, “As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.” Wrongdoers will tend to blame everyone else instead of themselves.

So, what can we do then? Do you know someone you would really want to change and improve? Good, but why not begin with ourselves? That is a lot easier to do. If all of us start thinking that way, we will all self-reflect and hopefully, the world will be a better place because of that.

When dealing with people, we are not dealing with logic but a range of emotions, prejudices, pride, and ego. It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. A great person shows their greatness by the way they treat others. So, be the bigger person and try to understand other people.

The big secret of dealing with other people? Make people feel important. Everyone likes a sincere compliment. Talk about what they want. 

What about the secret to winning friends and influencing people? Dale Carnegie said this, “First, arouse in the other person an eager want, he who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.”

Great leaders are made, not born. It is a lifetime activity. Learning, enhancing, and elevating your leadership skills can be done through training, perception, practice, and experience, over time. As a leader, you should never settle for less. Your inner drive for excellence can greatly inspire people and your team to pursue the best in everything they do.

About JurisTech

JurisTech (Juris Technologies) is a leading Malaysian-based fintech company, specialising in enterprise-class software solutions for banks, financial institutions, and telecommunications companies in Malaysia, Southeast Asia, and beyond.

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The following tips for working from home were first shared by our CEO, See Wai Hun, to fellow Jurisians in our town hall meeting, right before the Movement Control Order (MCO) began, on 18 March 2020. Besides a conducive home environment for work, the company plays a huge role in the success of its workers being able to work from home smoothly. If there are crucial files needed on the office servers, but remote workers aren’t equipped with VPN access, they wouldn’t be able to get them.

JurisTech had anticipated the looming MCO even before it was officially announced, and took steps to prepare and execute a business continuity plan (BCP) detailed by our CTO, John Lim. What John didn’t mention though, was how we carried out certain logistics during MCO like the fact that we’re continuing to hire new talent, how we have preloaded new employees’ laptops with additional software to facilitate remote work, and how someone has to actually hand-deliver those laptops to new hires to ensure that they get it on time.

All that being said, it still pays to know the best practices to follow and trappings to avoid, while working from home. Here are six simple tips Wai Hun shared that day, plus our comments to expound on her points:

1. Set office hours and stick to them.

This is not a holiday, folks. We are still doing our stand-ups and we still have deadlines to meet. The good news of course is that you will not be stuck in the jam and you save hours on the commute.

Life, and work, goes on. For us to retain some semblance of normalcy, and to not disrupt the existing workflow too much, we retained our working hours. A lot of in-office experiences cannot be replicated, like serendipitous encounters with office mates, but synchronous communication is still crucial, to be able to get questions answered and discussions completed, fast. Therefore, we still maintained our regular daytime working hours so that we could work together.

To add to what Wai Hun said, one silver lining amidst this pandemic is that for folks like us fortunate enough to be able to work remotely, we have the opportunity to shave off hours otherwise used for commuting, to spend it on something a little more productive. More on this later.

2. Create a routine and prepare for the day.

That means you still have to take a bath, shower, and dress comfortably to start the day. Don’t be in your jammies the entire day.

There is a lot to unpack here, but you should already be in agreement with most, if not all of them.

We are indeed creatures of habit, and habits are important to us as they determine what’s your constitution. The saying ‘you are what you eat’ also applies here as what you do determines who you are. If you want to retain the same productivity level while working in the office, perform the same ‘rituals’ before, during, and after work. Shower the same way, dress the same way, eat the same way.

Speaking of dressing up, studies have found that the clothes we wear affects a whole range of things including but not limited to, our behaviour, confidence, mood, performance, personality, and even the way we communicate with others. Another way to think of it is this: if you’re going to be working from home for a while, why not put your existing work clothes to good use, rather than letting it collect dust?

3. Set up your workspace.

Yes, find a place at home that you can be comfortable in for you to sit, work, focus, sip your coffee, and communicate.

Just like what was mentioned in the beginning, we need the tools of our trades to be able to work productively. The skills, we already carry them with us, but the equipment, we would need to set it up at home the same way we have it in the office. The right mindset to have here is, that your home workstation should be set up with permanence in mind, as working from home may be a new normal for the foreseeable future. Everything you need and have at your office workstation – the ergonomic height of your external monitor, the coffee mug, the printer, the access to office files– should be set up at your home workstation as well. This has a bit to do with habit too; when you’re already used to a certain way of working, you’d want to maintain that flow, to know where things are.

4. Take regular breaks.

Have your lunch breaks and coffee breaks but stay productive.

It goes without saying that sleep, rest, and breaks are important. The irony is, the longer you spend time working without any breaks, the worse your productivity will be. Resting actually helps boost productivity the next time you’re back at work. Just like the set work hours and routines, you should take your usual breaks such as lunchtime and teatime, at the same times, even at home. This also means that close attention must be paid to the clock. Do not get carried away with work well into the night, now that you no longer need to commute.

5. Communicate!

Now that we don’t have face time, we can communicate and update our statuses on electronic channels. Jump on the phone if you need to, or Skype if you are unclear. You don’t have to be physically together to have virtual face time.

Communication is so important in any relationship, including working relationships. As mentioned earlier, unfortunately, what we lost from remote work is the lack of chance encounters with office mates you don’t usually work with. This is something that cannot be replicated with software. But for work-related communication, we still need to be on top of it. In fact, we might even need to double down on remote communication. Things that are often expressed in person, like quips and appreciation messages, can and should be continued over text, to build and maintain that sense of camaraderie. Our Heroes Training Academy (HTA) team leader, Sheryl, shared her experience on communication and leadership which you can read about, here.

However, it doesn’t mean that we should just find excuses to have video meetings all the time, but only when they make sense. The ‘Zoom fatigue’ we’ve been hearing about may have been partly due to anxiety over being watched in an otherwise private setting. That, and the overcompensation of organising more video meetings than needed. Video calls are still important as a once-a-day thing when assembling your team for your daily stand-up meeting, but most communication, if it can just be done over a voice call or text, it should.

6. Focus on the positives!

By saving time on the commute, you’ll have more time. You can use the time savings and the opportunity to be at home to read a book that you have always wanted to read, or cook your own lunch. Just ensure that you are productive and not sacrificing your work whilst enjoying the perks of working from home.

This expands on the first and second points earlier. Even though you gain a couple of hours by not commuting, you should still ‘commute’ to work. What we mean by that is, usually when you’re commuting to work, you might be listening to podcasts, some music, or an audiobook. You might even be playing some mobile games or learning Klingon on Duolingo. Even though you’re no longer commuting physically to work, you should still spend that time in the morning for your rituals, before starting work.

And there you have it. Six work-from-home tips that Wai Hun shared that, if practised well, let us perform just as productively, if not more. In these uncertain times, it helps for us to regain some control and sense of normalcy. While you’re at it, also remember to take care, be safe, wash your hands, wear your mask, maintain that social distancing, and lift someone up today.

About JurisTech

JurisTech (Juris Technologies) is a leading Malaysian-based fintech company, specialising in enterprise-class software solutions for banks, financial institutions, and telecommunications companies in Malaysia, Southeast Asia, and beyond.

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Recycling Plastics

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Saving Electricity

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